What to Do If Your Child Is a Victim of Sexual Abuse: A Guide

Child sexual abuse is a heart-wrenching issue that no parent ever wants to face. It can have profound and lasting impacts on a child's emotional, physical, and mental health. Childhood trauma, including sexual abuse, accounts for about 2% of the total disease burden and can lead to significant health consequences. Addressing this delicate issue requires sensitivity, understanding, and proactive steps to ensure your child feels supported and safe. This blog post is based off of advise from a dear friend Mary Byler. Mary is the CEO of The Misfit Amish, an organization founded to bridge cultural gaps between the Amish and Plain people and the English. They provide resources for former Plain people as well as create  presentations that provide better awareness and aspire for cultural competency.  These parenting tips from the heart are here to help guide you through this challenging time and support your child in the best possible way.

Believe Them and Listen Without Judgment

When your child discloses a traumatic experience, the most crucial step is to believe them. Children who have undergone trauma often have fragmented memories, which can make their accounts seem inconsistent. It's common for children who have undergone trauma to have fragmented memories of their experiences. Listening without judgment is essential; your acceptance and trust will play a critical role in their healing process. Avoid expressing doubt or questioning their account, as this can exacerbate their emotional distress. By creating an open, non-judgmental space, you allow your child to share their experiences and emotions freely, which is fundamental for their recovery.

Don't Make This About You or Your Feelings

When your child shares their experience of abuse, it's normal to feel a surge of intense emotions such as anger, sadness, or even guilt. However, it's essential to keep your reactions in check to avoid adding to your child's distress. Instead of venting or expressing outrage, focus on creating a calm and supportive atmosphere. Your child is already dealing with a complex range of emotions and needs to feel that you are a steady, reliable source of comfort and strength. If you find yourself overwhelmed, consider seeking support from a therapist or trusted confidant so you can remain the strong, composed figure your child needs during this difficult time.

Take Immediate Actions to Ensure Their Safety

Upon learning about the abuse, prioritize your child's safety immediately. This may involve removing them from environments or situations where they feel unsafe, and, if necessary, contacting authorities or child protection services. It’s important to establish a secure environment where your child feels protected. Change routines or living arrangements to ensure there are no opportunities for further abuse. This proactive approach underscores your commitment to their well-being and shows that you are taking their disclosure seriously. Implementing safety measures promptly can also help to alleviate some of your child’s immediate anxiety and stress, allowing them to focus on their emotional and psychological recovery.

Provide Mentally Safe Outlets for Your Child

Trauma can be overwhelming, and it's important to offer your child safe avenues to express their emotions. Many children experience symptoms of PTSD, where flashbacks might occur as intense emotions detached from the original trauma narrative. Encouraging activities like art, journaling, or other forms of creative expression can help them process their feelings in a supportive way. Engaging in these activities provides a non-verbal outlet for their emotions, making it easier for them to express what they might find difficult to articulate. Additionally, mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing or guided imagery can also offer significant benefits. These practices can help your child manage stress and anxiety, enabling them to regain a sense of control over their emotional state. By providing these mentally safe outlets, you create a nurturing environment where your child can begin to heal.

Validate Their Emotions Without Demonizing Them

Children who have experienced sexual abuse will exhibit a wide range of emotions, and it's crucial to meet these emotions with validation and understanding. Anger, sadness, confusion, and fear are all natural responses to trauma. Instead of labeling these emotions as "bad" or "negative," acknowledge them as part of the healing process. Encourage your child to express what they are feeling and reassure them that it’s okay to have these emotions. By normalizing their feelings, you help them feel seen and heard, which can be incredibly therapeutic. Avoid any language or behavior that might make them feel guilty or ashamed for how they are reacting. Emphasize that their emotions are valid and that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel. This acceptance will help build a foundation of emotional safety, making it easier for your child to navigate their complex feelings and begin the journey toward recovery.

Reassure Them of Your Unwavering Support

Your child needs to feel your unwavering support as they navigate their healing journey. Let them know that no matter the outcome of any investigation, your belief in their experience remains steadfast. This reassurance can provide a vital sense of security and stability during an incredibly tumultuous time. Be consistent in your expressions of support, reminding them that you are there to listen, advocate, and comfort. Your consistent presence can be a powerful counterbalance to the uncertainty they might feel. It's essential that your child knows they are not alone in this process, and your ongoing support can help them build the resilience they need to heal.

Seek a Qualified Trauma Therapist for Your Child

Finding the right professional support is crucial for your child's healing process. Seek out a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma recovery for children. Evidence-supported therapies for managing complex PTSD include modified cognitive behavioral therapies and certain psychodynamic approaches. A therapist with this specialized knowledge can provide your child with the tools and strategies necessary to process their trauma effectively.

When searching for a therapist, prioritize those with a background in treating child survivors of sexual abuse. Verify their credentials and ensure they have a proven track record in trauma therapy. A secular, trauma-informed therapist will be more likely to use evidence-based approaches that can facilitate meaningful recovery.

It's also beneficial to involve your child in the selection process, if appropriate. Letting them meet with potential therapists and express their comfort level can be empowering and ensure they feel a sense of control over their healing journey. The therapist should create a safe and nurturing environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their experiences.

Consider looking for a therapist who incorporates family therapy as part of the treatment plan. Family dynamics play a significant role in a child's recovery, and involving family members can provide additional support and understanding. Family therapy can also help you learn how to best support your child at home.

Ultimately, the goal is to find a therapist who not only understands the complexities of trauma but also aligns with your child's unique needs and personality. The right therapeutic support can make a profound difference in your child's journey toward healing and recovery.

Encourage Them to Trust Their Body and Feelings

Children who have experienced sexual abuse often feel disconnected from their own bodies and emotions. Teaching them to trust their instincts and bodily reactions can be a powerful step in their healing journey. Encourage your child to listen to their body and recognize what it is telling them. This might involve paying attention to physical sensations or emotional responses in different situations.

Introduce practices like mindfulness or simple body awareness exercises to help them reconnect with themselves. For instance, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or guided imagery can foster a greater sense of bodily awareness and self-trust. These practices not only help in managing anxiety but also in regaining a sense of control over their emotions and physical sensations.

Additionally, validate their experiences by acknowledging and respecting their feelings. Let them know it's okay to express discomfort or unease and that their reactions are natural and important. Encourage open conversations about what they feel and help them articulate these emotions without fear of judgment.

Empowering your child to trust their body and feelings reinforces their autonomy and aids in rebuilding self-confidence. Over time, this self-awareness and trust can serve as a foundation for healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self. By supporting them in this way, you help lay the groundwork for their long-term emotional and psychological well-being.

Remind Them It’s Not Their Fault

It is vital to communicate to your child that the abuse they endured is not their fault. Children often carry an unjust burden of guilt and shame, believing they somehow caused or deserved the trauma. Make it a point to repeatedly affirm their innocence in the situation. Use clear and compassionate language to help them understand that the blame lies solely with the perpetrator, not them. Gently remind them that they are deserving of safety and respect, and that their worth is not diminished by what happened to them. Reinforce your message by listening to their concerns and reassuring them that your love and support remain unwavering. These affirmations can significantly alleviate their internalized blame and assist in their emotional recovery.